Wednesday, 4 February 2015

I was hooked and trapped in bliss and sorrow all at the same time. Ups and downs, helter-skelter, dark and light and I was worried!!

When you least expect it, expect it!

I've just driven to Canberra and back, from Brisbane, with some very lovely people. The journey was a joy. We did many wonderful things, all of them pretty simple and inexpensive but amongst it all I lost The Company of The Truth (Satsang).

I've began studying at The School of Kings and Queens since 1985 when I was 35 years old. I didn't realise in those days what the aim and objective of the study was. I just wanted peace from the traumatic circumstances I was experiencing at the time and this study gave me back the reigns of my life.

The first thing I learnt at The School was that 'the truth is out there' and that by staying in the truth I could manage my mind and therefore manage my life, that is, create the type of life I wanted. Staying in the company of the truth was not as easy as just hearing the truth in the first place. Hearing it is the easy bit. Living it, the challenge.

I have slowly learnt not to be defeated by challenges and they are a means of progressing. Challenges reveal weakness in me and when I am supported challenges lead to greater strength. Greater strength, power, means greater freedom and I want to be free.

What I like about this study to become a self-sovereign is the stability. My life is a straight line, by and large, a straight line that climbs ever upwards. I no longer fall as I used to. It's a powerful feeling and I am free to choose my destiny. But back to the journey.

When I lost The Company of the Truth on that '17 hour one way' journey I fell back into some of my old destructive habits. It was brief, but I was reminded of a life out of control and it scared the life out of me, to tell you the truth.

I was hooked and trapped in bliss and sorrow all at the same time. Ups and downs, helter-skelter, dark and light and I was worried. I thought I was immune to this, what with all the years of study 'an all'. I was away from home, my routines, including sleep, were disorganised and I very willingly, quietly and silently slipped into what at first was the most intense and beautiful state, even as alarm bells were screaming in my mind, but I no longer cared. Oh the beauty, oh the joy!

Wake up Sir Phillip, wake up, you're sinking, your grip on the life you always wanted is slipping away! Ah but the joy, the bliss!

My behaviour was changing, I was becoming self-indulgent but I didn't care, I just didn't care. Where was the royalty, the 'you first', others, always others before the self? Royalty can be so first.

This is a long story short. If we ever meet face to face I'll fill in some of the details if you're interested.

What saved me? Why am I still here writing this blog? The truth and The Truth saved me. the Truth always saves...always saves. My inner voice didn't die, I was the observer watching my journey into the dark. I am experienced now, this study and lifestyle has seen to that. I have changed, I have a power I never had before, in those dark days of long ago. The Truth who brings the truth saved me. 

Next challenge please!


alanakumari said...

Thanks for your honest sharing. Very well written blog

Phillip Gough said...

Thanks Alana. Glad you liked it.

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